Surviving Through Indonesian Culture, Showing off the Top
I’m 23rd y.o, a girl who was born in a music family, who lives in Indonesian culture, which likes to “showing off the top”, who decides her undergraduate degree on International Relations while actually, her concern is about education.
That’s me.
I know that life is random but I don’t know that my life would be this random. It was quite annoying for me to acknowledge how random I was choosing a path of my life.
I was born in a music family. My father is a music lecturer, composer, conductor, and cellist. My mother was a singer and cellist also. So, my parents met when they were in college life. I have a big brother who is so talented as a cello performer and composer. I’m the last daughter. I started to study cello when I was 7 y.o. In 2019, I studied arranging and conducting as well. Singing is my savior while I feel sad or boring while my routine.
Why didn’t I choose a music major as my undergraduate study? It’s the matter of Indonesian culture which I said before “showing off the top.” My good attitude about being tough and never give up sent me to keep survive on academic life. Which is good, but not really happy with that decision. Schools in Indonesia at that time upheld favoritism as the Lord. For the sake of maintaining “favorite” predicate, their students were occupied with exams that assess academic subjects only. No time for us to dig down deeply about who am I as a human? What that I want for this life? Am I happy with my decision? No further conversation about that matters between student and teacher. I was in that circle.
That circle was shaping my mindset that I have to study more and more to get my best study at university. Which is good, but was that what I really want in my life? One of the majors in Indonesia that have “favorite” predicate is International Relations and my university is one the most greatly desired by most of the students here. I think this is the reason why I didn’t choose music as my undergraduate study.
The other reason came from my mom that forbade me. The music major is not in a conducive ecosystem in Indonesia. This is due to our people who underestimate the role of art in human life so it would be hard for a musician to survive financially and mentally at the same time. That’s why my brother chose to study abroad in the Netherland instead of kept study in Indonesia. Once, I was mad with my mom because I felt that my mom control me a lot. After I grew up I realize that my mom only wants to protect me from an unconducive ecosystem. Again and again, it’s a matter of “showing off the top” culture.
My story about surviving through “showing off the top” culture continue when I was in college. I choose International Relations for no reason unless people’s admired opinion about this major. Apparently, it was really hard for me mentally and physically to understand this major for three and a half years. But, as I said before because I’m a tough learner and never give up, I chose to leave my activity on music for one semester and started focusing on IR stuff, such as debate or MUN. But, the result was nil. It was my super down mental condition. Fortunately, because I’m also a tough learner, I never give up regulating my emotions during this time. My orchestra community saved me from my mental breakdown. By this community, now I found myself knowing where to go in my life. InshaAllah.
So, the meaning of “showing off the top” culture is that people often dying to be good at a view that the mainstream acknowledges so that they can show off and get acknowledgment from society without trying to criticize inside is this what we want? That’s why my society nowadays is coloured by pragmatism which is impacted to many corruptions and nepotism. This is what’s happening in my society.
I’m not saying that choosing mainstream line is wrong. But, let us rethink, “are we always happy with that mainstream acknowledgment?” If you are happy, so you are lucky then and go for it! But, if you think that you won’t be happy with that, don’t ever try to enforce yourself. First, acknowledge that you are different and it’s okay. This needs not a short time but a long phase to realize. The next steps that you have to prepare are your brain and your heart to acknowledge each of the consequences that would come after your decision. Then, dig down deep and toughly what do you want to do passionately in your life. The last, go for it.
That step was what I do to choose my next step after my graduation. After a long time of consideration, I choose to focus on education. There were a hesitation from my mom about whether I could survive, but this time I know what I want (InshaAllah) and what is being considered by my mom. Life is a matter of compromising to get the better result right?
